Wonderful. It is about time. I have noted this long ago (see my newsletter "Devolving to the Matriarchy"), but this is an internal women's struggle. Many leading feminists, especially the modern 3rd wave cohort, are frankly driven radical malcontents that want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. Resentment is their fuel. A large percentage of them are lesbian. My wife has coined the label "bitter vagitarians" and as offensive as this sounds, it is really an accurate cut. They mistakenly believe that power and control will fix what is broken inside them. What many of them need is cognitive behavior therapy.
"Even the shots lobbed by the men in the mix tend to lean heavily on mean girls tactics."
Some men are wired with the same dominate emotive processor. Others are driven to virtue signal support for women's positions as a biological response for female favors... mostly to increase their opportunity for sex. My wife tells me that me telling her she is right makes her frisky for me. Weak men will always tell the lie for sex, and to feel like they are part of the cool-kids group. Strong men are caring, empathetic, protective but speak the truth.
Women are dominating academia and high paying careers. It is way past the time to put the brakes on the women's movement and restructure it to something that is good for society in general. The malcontents need to be extracted and replaced with psychologically-stable people that use logic, objectivity and pragmatism to set an agenda for progress.
But first, we need to get critical theory out of the education system. It is fake scholarship. It is a toxic mind virus. And it is the sources of the irrational ideological extremes adopted by so many college-educated women in the media, in HR departments and in politics... and that is the leading cause of so much social and economic nihilism.
There is a concept among the psychoanalysts of the "devouring mother." On a personal level this can manifest as a dysfunctional relationship between a parent (usually but not always the mother) and a child, in which the parent strives to keep the child dependent and infantile, and the child plays along because it is much easier to avoid the difficult and anxiety-provoking challenges involved in growing up and taking on adult roles. The end result is the 30 (or 40) year old "infant" who lives in Mom's basement playing video games, having Mom do the laundry and make the meals. The "child" expects the parent to solve all of his problems and never develops the capacity to take on adult roles and responsibilities.
To me, it seems like our entire culture has turned into a "devouring mother" and I can't help but think this is somehow related to the feminization of power structures and media. We now expect government to take responsibility for everything. We have so much reflexive empathy that we keep the population weak, dependent and infantilized. Every group that we--perhaps with good intentions--set out to "help" is instead harmed by this cultural "devouring mother." We make everything so easy and "safe" that real growth and development and personal responsibility cannot develop and, in the long run, we cause a more profound type of suffering.
Just as there's a positive and a negative aspect to the masculine (the wise king versus the evil tyrant) there is both a positive and negative aspect of the feminine--it can go too far--and I think that's where we're at now. The problem is that we are only allowed to talk about the negative aspect of the masculine and the positive aspect of the feminine.
This makes so much sense! I've never even allowed myself to think this for fear of misogyny. But now that you've said it, women have started every online pile-on that has implicated me. Men have participated in very small numbers, but it's always been led my women (we're talking about a very small sample size, btw). I'd always attributed this to women's over-representation on Facebook (which I've now quit, thank God), but your perspective sheds a whole new light.
My main interest these days is developing a new narrative--or script--for masculinity. It's great that (Canadian) society has embraced femininity and I believe this had liberated men and women alike from straight-jacket playbooks. But the attack on masculinity serves no-one well. Rekindling the kind of masculinity that leads to flourishing holds a big piece of the puzzle you've described.
Masculinity and femininity are like left-right speakers on your stereo: too much of either makes for an unpleasant experience. It's time we dial up the masculinity (in a new, healthy way).
Tara, thanks so much for this piece. To even speak the word "toxic femininity" is a courageous endeavour. i have wondered about how much of the public conversation has been at least partially abetted by the rise of women in public life - but as a man, i am terrified of saying any such thing. To be clear, as Perry points out, there have been significant benefits of women having more influence in cultural/political matters. But there is also a potential dark side, one that only gets more dark when it remains unsaid or is denied outright.
i think there is a "rational" and calm way to go about this - but, again, as a man, i have no idea what role i would take in it. At this point in the cultural milieu, i think smart, feminist women (like yourself, Daum, and others) need to begin the reckoning. Unless you have some advice for men like us - supportive of women taking their place in authoritative cultural positions, but wary of some of the poststructuralist excesses that have been unleashed since 2015ish.
While the temptation is to urge reform by the other side rather than to work at reforming your own side, what Daum, Henley and some other women are trying to do seems more promising. Men aren't going to find acceptable alternatives to toxic femininity any more than women are going to find acceptable alternatives to toxic masculinity. Just admitting the simultaneous existence of both is a huge step at this point. I believe there are men who are trying to reimagine what "positive" masculinity can and should mean in going forward in our changing society - not in the zero-sum framework of grievance and defensiveness but in a framework of good will, mutual respect and truthful integrity. Of course, the numbers of both men and women currently engaged in this effort are small on both sides and initial thinking tentative and still far from complete, but the effort needs to be fostered. Preferably beyond the reach of Twitter and other such commercial purveyors of social and psychological division and rancor. Perhaps, for now, this effort needs women working with women and men working with men in separate movements. Both sides need to get their own houses and agendas in order before they even begin the task of coming to some workable and inspiring common vision for a future that values, honors and respects the equal humanity of both men and women living together a complementary world.
We should be careful not to rush to judgement on the changing role of women and men. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with society becoming "more female"...if that leads to a "better" society.
Alternatively, the current societal "hate on" for males is clearly warping progress unproductively.
This swinging pendulum will, over time, produce more balance. No panic needed.
Where'd you get the "science" behind your rage-Tweet? BH has lied about COVID-19 not being aerosolized, but there is zero validity to any claims about loss of fertility or miscarriages. Like the old woman who had a myocardial infarction in Saskatchewan shortly after getting a booster, shit happens. Repeat after me: "CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION! CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION!"
This addresses one of the things I have observed. Women in leadership, who have taken on the worst characteristics of Male Leadership. They are more aggressive, more competitive, more sociopathic, more domineering, more patronizing, than all but the worst male leaders. In other words, they are not embracing their womanhood, but rather their resentment that they were not born men.
Wonderful. It is about time. I have noted this long ago (see my newsletter "Devolving to the Matriarchy"), but this is an internal women's struggle. Many leading feminists, especially the modern 3rd wave cohort, are frankly driven radical malcontents that want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. Resentment is their fuel. A large percentage of them are lesbian. My wife has coined the label "bitter vagitarians" and as offensive as this sounds, it is really an accurate cut. They mistakenly believe that power and control will fix what is broken inside them. What many of them need is cognitive behavior therapy.
"Even the shots lobbed by the men in the mix tend to lean heavily on mean girls tactics."
Some men are wired with the same dominate emotive processor. Others are driven to virtue signal support for women's positions as a biological response for female favors... mostly to increase their opportunity for sex. My wife tells me that me telling her she is right makes her frisky for me. Weak men will always tell the lie for sex, and to feel like they are part of the cool-kids group. Strong men are caring, empathetic, protective but speak the truth.
Women are dominating academia and high paying careers. It is way past the time to put the brakes on the women's movement and restructure it to something that is good for society in general. The malcontents need to be extracted and replaced with psychologically-stable people that use logic, objectivity and pragmatism to set an agenda for progress.
But first, we need to get critical theory out of the education system. It is fake scholarship. It is a toxic mind virus. And it is the sources of the irrational ideological extremes adopted by so many college-educated women in the media, in HR departments and in politics... and that is the leading cause of so much social and economic nihilism.
Wow, until now I have not been able to understand this movement. You just NAILED IT. This lens explains so much.
There is a concept among the psychoanalysts of the "devouring mother." On a personal level this can manifest as a dysfunctional relationship between a parent (usually but not always the mother) and a child, in which the parent strives to keep the child dependent and infantile, and the child plays along because it is much easier to avoid the difficult and anxiety-provoking challenges involved in growing up and taking on adult roles. The end result is the 30 (or 40) year old "infant" who lives in Mom's basement playing video games, having Mom do the laundry and make the meals. The "child" expects the parent to solve all of his problems and never develops the capacity to take on adult roles and responsibilities.
To me, it seems like our entire culture has turned into a "devouring mother" and I can't help but think this is somehow related to the feminization of power structures and media. We now expect government to take responsibility for everything. We have so much reflexive empathy that we keep the population weak, dependent and infantilized. Every group that we--perhaps with good intentions--set out to "help" is instead harmed by this cultural "devouring mother." We make everything so easy and "safe" that real growth and development and personal responsibility cannot develop and, in the long run, we cause a more profound type of suffering.
Lots of cultures are and have been raised mainly by females, no? I think decadence explains more.
Just as there's a positive and a negative aspect to the masculine (the wise king versus the evil tyrant) there is both a positive and negative aspect of the feminine--it can go too far--and I think that's where we're at now. The problem is that we are only allowed to talk about the negative aspect of the masculine and the positive aspect of the feminine.
Here's another problem.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1578401511843020801
This makes so much sense! I've never even allowed myself to think this for fear of misogyny. But now that you've said it, women have started every online pile-on that has implicated me. Men have participated in very small numbers, but it's always been led my women (we're talking about a very small sample size, btw). I'd always attributed this to women's over-representation on Facebook (which I've now quit, thank God), but your perspective sheds a whole new light.
My main interest these days is developing a new narrative--or script--for masculinity. It's great that (Canadian) society has embraced femininity and I believe this had liberated men and women alike from straight-jacket playbooks. But the attack on masculinity serves no-one well. Rekindling the kind of masculinity that leads to flourishing holds a big piece of the puzzle you've described.
Masculinity and femininity are like left-right speakers on your stereo: too much of either makes for an unpleasant experience. It's time we dial up the masculinity (in a new, healthy way).
I'm starting to see AWFL get thrown around as an epithet now (Affluent White Female Liberal), slowly replacing "Karen".
Tara, thanks so much for this piece. To even speak the word "toxic femininity" is a courageous endeavour. i have wondered about how much of the public conversation has been at least partially abetted by the rise of women in public life - but as a man, i am terrified of saying any such thing. To be clear, as Perry points out, there have been significant benefits of women having more influence in cultural/political matters. But there is also a potential dark side, one that only gets more dark when it remains unsaid or is denied outright.
i think there is a "rational" and calm way to go about this - but, again, as a man, i have no idea what role i would take in it. At this point in the cultural milieu, i think smart, feminist women (like yourself, Daum, and others) need to begin the reckoning. Unless you have some advice for men like us - supportive of women taking their place in authoritative cultural positions, but wary of some of the poststructuralist excesses that have been unleashed since 2015ish.
While the temptation is to urge reform by the other side rather than to work at reforming your own side, what Daum, Henley and some other women are trying to do seems more promising. Men aren't going to find acceptable alternatives to toxic femininity any more than women are going to find acceptable alternatives to toxic masculinity. Just admitting the simultaneous existence of both is a huge step at this point. I believe there are men who are trying to reimagine what "positive" masculinity can and should mean in going forward in our changing society - not in the zero-sum framework of grievance and defensiveness but in a framework of good will, mutual respect and truthful integrity. Of course, the numbers of both men and women currently engaged in this effort are small on both sides and initial thinking tentative and still far from complete, but the effort needs to be fostered. Preferably beyond the reach of Twitter and other such commercial purveyors of social and psychological division and rancor. Perhaps, for now, this effort needs women working with women and men working with men in separate movements. Both sides need to get their own houses and agendas in order before they even begin the task of coming to some workable and inspiring common vision for a future that values, honors and respects the equal humanity of both men and women living together a complementary world.
People are not happy
Ps they never were
So movements are like drugs alcohol and other escapes
All spending their time swinging on the pendulum of grandfathers clocks till their time is up.
No research no phd thesis
No govt studies
Trump got 50 per cent of the vote twice by both men and women
That is how unhappy people are.
We should be careful not to rush to judgement on the changing role of women and men. There is nothing inherently "wrong" with society becoming "more female"...if that leads to a "better" society.
Alternatively, the current societal "hate on" for males is clearly warping progress unproductively.
This swinging pendulum will, over time, produce more balance. No panic needed.
Who's this "we" you speak for?
"Fuck the EU" - Victoria Nuland
https://twitter.com/i/status/1575884677100904459
Where'd you get the "science" behind your rage-Tweet? BH has lied about COVID-19 not being aerosolized, but there is zero validity to any claims about loss of fertility or miscarriages. Like the old woman who had a myocardial infarction in Saskatchewan shortly after getting a booster, shit happens. Repeat after me: "CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION! CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION!"
Thank you Mr Bourla. I've been wondering if Tara is paid in cash or kind.
Sobering truths, thank you.
This addresses one of the things I have observed. Women in leadership, who have taken on the worst characteristics of Male Leadership. They are more aggressive, more competitive, more sociopathic, more domineering, more patronizing, than all but the worst male leaders. In other words, they are not embracing their womanhood, but rather their resentment that they were not born men.